My first love

img420Image result for black metallic BMW 3M 1995 with bbs rims

This is us a million years ago. Hard to believe we are at a bar in Tijuana drinking,  I think we were about 17 in this picture. I look like a baby, yet I felt like an adult. If I knew then what I know now….

I was 15 when I met my first love. His name is Abraham (today is his birthday)  he was born one day before me, so a fellow piscean. I had just started at a new school, a public school in a different country (US) I was in ESL English, and felt like a fish out of water (as usual) I had only attended private catholic school in Mexico with all girls. Now I was in a public school, no religion, and boys! And I loved (and still do) men. To add to this mix, my parents had just separated! My world was changing quickly, to say the least. It did not make this transition any easier, it actually made it more challenging. What else didn’t help was that I lived in a 7,000 sq. ft. house, with a live in maid and gardener and drove a brand new grey market BMW M3. So in other words I did not fit in, quite the opposite I stood out.

He was my everything at that time, my escape, my safe place not to mention all my  first experiences  in so many ways. What I had with him was good, great, memorable, important, bad, horrible and painful. I broke my jaw when I was 15 trying to get down from sitting on a rail in the high school to reach him, I did not put my hands in front of my face as any “normal” person would, nothing broke my fall but my face, breaking my jaw. After  reading tons of books and therapy I know why I didn’t have the natural reaction of protecting myself, it turns out that children who were beaten and abused, do not learn to protect themselves because the abuser teaches you to not dare protect yourself from them or the punishment will be worst. All life lessons, I still think of from time to time, causing my deep sadness for the child I was. He and I are still friends, he has 3 kids, I’ve been married 3 times, never to him.

Happy Birthday Abe! You will always be a very important and pivotal person in life. Love always, XO

 

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