This is the second part of my recollection, from the reading with the Shaman. It felt to me that she could not emphasize enough, that I protect myself from others being able to hurt, but like a double edged sword, the protection also keeps love away, the one thing I desire most in this lifetime, I am protecting myself from, it can’t come to me, if I don’t give it freely and am open to receive it.
It took me a couple of days to think this through or “chew” on it. I came up with this as a logical answer, I feel that what she meant, was that I find it incredibly difficult if even possible to be intimate with others but even with myself, my self care is not a priority since I struggle with low self-esteem and feelings unworthiness, which says a lot about my self love.
When people or memories of feelings crop up and want to roll out of my eyes, I rarely allow myself to feel this, by stopping myself and saying NO! Holding back the tears. Not wanting or allowing my self to feel or work on and through the pain, because it overwhelms me so deeply.
I am now aware of what I need and incarnated to work on, now it is my mission, to do exactly that. It begins today.
Thankful, Grateful and Blessed!