You can only give, what you have…

5

 

This is such a true statement. Even before I knew it literally or had read it, I felt it and said it. It is interesting how we know in our being what we are capable of  giving and receiving.

I will never forget the first time my Mother was rushed to the hospital at the brink of death. I live in San Diego, she lives in Los Angeles. My sister called to tell me about my Mothers condition and whereabouts. It was a Friday and it was pouring rain in SD, which is rare.  I had been out with my then boyfriend and had had a couple of cocktails. I told my sister I couldn’t drive because I was under the influence, she let me know my Brother (who also lives in SD) was driving up. I called him to ask for a ride, his reply was that I would not fit into his car, etc. I knew he did not want me to go with him, so being the “Empath” I am, I was sensitive to his rejection and let it go. It took me a couple of days to get up to LA to see my Mother still in the hospital, because of work and honestly the lack of desire to be there.

I was reading one of the hundreds of books I have, that spoke about a Mothers nurturing or lack of and effects on her child/ren.  It was one of the first times I remember a light bulb going off in my mind.

For a moment my Sister (who is 11 years younger) had left the room, I took this opportunity to talk with my Mother candidly, saying what I felt and what I didn’t, I clearly told her I could not give her what I did not have to give, as I was not given that example, she agreed with me, understood and acknowledged she was a very different mother to me than to my sister.

When my sister walked back in, she attacked me, by saying that my brother had told them that he had offered me a ride to LA to see my Mother and I had declined the offer.  I was dumb founded, horrified and stunned. I was hurt for my mother, thinking to myself how horrible it must have felt for her to hear such a thing, even though it was a lie, she didn’t know, and even if she did, to realize her son would want to hurt her that way, would be crushing in my mind.

I never confronted him about it, he is a compulsive liar. My mother assured me she knew her children and knew who was telling the truth. I am assuming she meant me.

Thankful, Grateful and Blessed! 

 

 

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