How I feel at times.

You were never

Most days I am happy and feel I am full of love, incredibly even for myself. I notice it because it is something so new to me, that I am in awe, then other days, I feel sad, sad that I am alone and no one to share my love with. No one who sees me as I truly am, not the persona I made up to deflect people from the true person I am inside, a little girl who is scare, insecure, alone and not heard, understood or seen.

I try to tell people who miss judge me, that they are wrong, I am not the person they think I am, only to find they will come at you defending their opinion of you which is usually not favorable, making me wonder why these people would want me as a friend, if they truly believe what they think of me, or how they describe me. They only highlight and underline in red, how they don’t know me or see me.

I feel like I am doing jumping jacks wanting to call attention to myself,  hoping someone will see the real me, but they don’t see me, it is like I am a living ghost wondering the earth hoping someone someday will see me, the real me, not the person they need or want me to be. Just me as I am.

I do get solace in the knowing that what people see, think and feel about another, is only a reflection of themselves and a part of them that needs healing.

Thankful, Grateful & Blessed!

 

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