Forgiving my Mother, easier said than done

4

I am trying more than anything right now, to be able to forgive my Mother for how she treated me and still does.

As I sit here on a Friday night home alone, I am thinking about my life,  about my mother and things she accused me of and so on.

My life as my mother would tell it, was that of a horrible teenager, a whore, not worthy of ever being loved and that I should be alone. As the reader, I am thinking you would say, no way a mother would want that for her first born child or any of her children. But yes, she does, she has said to me over and over again for decades, to my face! Nothing left for my imagination.

My heart breaks for the little girl who only wanted and needed to be loved, and the memories I have to deal with now as an adult who struggles to accept love and believe it.

I found a letter from my father I saved dated December 16th, 1985. This day would have been his birthday and 3 days before I would break my jaw. By this time my mother had filed for divorce and he had moved out temporarily. In it he refers to a letter I sent, expressing my hurt feelings. His response, was one I didn’t except to read 32 years later, he writes of his love for me, and  not believe my mother when she says otherwise.

Basically the letter other than being a kind reminder of his love also is another form of validation about my mothers behavior.

Her intentions have never been of good nature or love.

Thankful, Grateful & Blessed! 

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