For parents who are divorcing or contemplating it… (part 1)

5

For those of you who are contemplating divorce, as a child of divorce I have first hand knowledge of the effects and consequences we suffer.

I hope my story helps those of you in turmoil and contemplating divorce, especially if there are children involved.

I was 15, my brother was 14 and my sister was 4, when our parents decided to divorce. Both my brother and I went from private schools to public, for me it was more traumatic in the sense that I went from a private school in Tijuana all girls and Nuns to a public co-ed school in Chula Vista, CA.

We grew up with a live in maid and gardener. I never had to take my car to be washed, it was done daily by our gardener. I never made my own bed, breakfast or even combed my own hair. I was privileged and loved it!

When my Mother decided to divorce my father, I was in shock and so was he, He had  been unfaithful throughout the marriage, the last straw came when he fell in love with his last conquest and became blatant about it. She worked for him as his secretary, so they saw each other daily.

For years before hand, my brother had been away in boarding school and my sister was very young. So, I was the one who was around and of age to know something was wrong. It didn’t help that my Mother shared it all with me. Even making me go with her, to try and catch them “fooling around”, it was torture to be in the mix and in the mix I was. I now know it is not o.k. for a parent or parents to share with their children things they cannot understand or are beyond their maturity.

The only one they mutually had much interest in, was me. I was a Daddy’s girl trying desperately to connect with my mother at no avail. Now Daddy had found someone else he focused his attention and love on. This also felt like abandonment to me.

As the child I could see and feel how enamored he was with her, so I can only imagine what my mother felt. It must have been horrifyingly painful, I would not wish this kind devastation and betrayal on anyone. She endured it as long as she could, she was miserable and made everyone around her feel the same, which sucked!!!

They each used me against each other, to the point of calling me into the divorce proceedings, because I was on title of some real estate property they had purchased years before.

The stress and chaos I was going through (alone) caused me to develop an eating disorder. Very few people knew or know until now, that I suffered with this for over 20 years. It was my only way of feeling in control and be able to “throw up” my feelings of dispare, heart break and loneliness.

I hope to think that if they knew the effect this was having on me, they would have made changes to keep me out of their drama and not cause me turmoil I felt within. Neither cared for the victims they swept with them in the hatred and anger they exhibited in their 7 year divorce. The wanted to hurt each other which they accomplished taking innocent lives with them.

Just trying to write this blog, I am in tears thinking back on the experience I had with my parents divorce. It was life changing.

(Continuation tomorrow)

Thankful, Grateful & Blessed! 

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