As I drove to work today, I was reflecting on my habits and patterns. I realized that as a young girl, growing up in our family home which had 7 bedrooms, that I would move bedrooms often, rearranging my things and feeling a great sense of pleasure from it.
Today, I recently changed the furniture and the décor in my condo, giving me the same feeling I recognized, upon careful reflection, I believe this behavior is one I adapted as a way of having power to change things, because in reality I could not change anything other than my bedroom in my family dynamic.
The inability to make changes to things, people and places is an impotent feeling, one of powerlessness, and weakness.
This behavior is so clear to me, knowing what I was feeling and what and how I feel now. Perhaps it can also go under the tab of passive aggressive behavior.
I do not believe anyone in my home, had a clue what I was trying to say without words, how could they if it has taken me decades to see it for myself, and with the help of my therapist.
♓️Thankful, Grateful & Blessed!