This is Me!
I admit and realize clearly, that I can be moody, I am hypersensitive to noise, smell, taste and criticism. I hold my breath a lot and stop breathing to avoid insulting my nose, with bad odors, usually coming from other people. Sounds are heightened for me, some feel as though they penetrate my being, as though someone is scratching a blackboard with their nails, I can be inattentive which can be truly annoying to others when I cannot focus, it is extremely difficult for me to let go and be present if music, voices, or surrounding environment is to loud or distracting.
What I wish everyone who thinks they know me, knew. Is that I have ADHD, it is not something I am proud of, but This is ME! things finally make sense to me, I know that all the tendencies, behaviors and reactions I have had to people, comments, etc. that were thought to be my “personality”, people around me expect me to be able to control it, but I can’t, I really can’t! These are all part of having ADHD which is a genetic disorder, I have never had any control over it. Those very things, I was judged, criticized, and reprimanded for, are all part of a disorder, a neurological disorder, a defect in my brain.
My heart breaks the more and more I find out about myself, because I have been criticized, yelled at, beaten, kicked, demoralized, put down, violated, raped, ignored, hurt, left, broken, taken advantage of, all because of something I had no control over. If you saw a person whose disability was visible, you would never treat them the way, I have been treated. All be it my disorder is “invisible” but I say, we should all show compassion regardless of what we can visibly see. We are all doing our best, no one is perfect, NO ONE!!