Navigating between figuring out how to be honest, truthful and transparent without hurting, angering, or disrespecting anyone, can be tricky.
Being open and honest about the pain and abuse from my past is the way I heal, after all It is my story to tell, I shouldn’t have to ask for permission to share it, and quite honestly I won’t!
Keeping things inside only festers and causes dis-ease. I have seen it first hand. It manifests in your body and mind, causing horrifying consequences, medical, emotional and mental.
Sometimes it feels as if I am truly between a rock and a hard place. There is the side of my Soul, that knows I need to share my story, on the other hand the human part of me, feels fear of the retribution and rejection I am sure to suffer if and when I do.
Do I wait until everyone who could reject me is dead to share it? I could argue that there are no guarantees to when we die, for all I know I could be the first to go, and never have the opportunity to share my story and fulfill my calling in this lifetime, and hopefully in doing so I am able to heal or help someone else.
Speaking up sharing my story has already cost me dearly. Through therapy and healing, I have learned that the abuse was never o.k. It was not my fault, and not a sign of my value or lack of strength. I am not a child anymore, yet I am still nurturing, healing and learning to love the wounded little girl inside of me, that never got her needs met, but instead was damaged, in some ways beyond repair.
Honesty and being transparent is not always received with open arms and kind gestures. It often is perceived as hurtful, cruel & unnecessary. This is easy to say, when you weren’t either affected by it, or you have something to hide and feel shameful about.
Knowing that those who can’t love me, never will and those who do, will not stop loving me for showing my wounds, sharing them in an attempt to heal and most importantly perhaps help heal or get someone started on their path to healing because I bared my soul. This is the reason I will continue to move forward with opening up this can of worms called my life.
I truly believe it is my calling this lifetime, I pray that sharing my past, the obstacles, the pain, the joy, the truth, that somehow, someway it can help someone else, even if it is just one person.
Thankful, Grateful & Blessed!