It has taken 50 years for me to find out and finally realize that not only do I have ADHD but I also developed Borderline personality disorder, because of the trauma I experienced as a child and adolescent.
ADHD is a neurological disorder I was born with and Borderline disorder is one I was predisposed to and developed because of the trauma, both have been linked to being genetic.
No joke, I am a bit horrified about the characteristics of having these two disorders. They have overwhelmed my existence.
Having Borderline personality disorder which is an emotional dis-regulation disorder, makes me a person who feels intense feelings, both good and bad. Having ADHD makes me forget them. Sounds funny but its not.
I always thought that I felt like I didn’t know if I was coming or going, or if being a “Pisces” which is represented by two fish pulling in opposite directions, was the reason. Then I found out I have ADHD, that was a doozie, then shortly after they added “Borderline” personality disorder, to my already diagnosed depression. TRIFECTA!!
I had been told many years ago I might have BPD, since then I have worked really hard on overcoming it, since they say you can heal from it and recover. I have done a great job at doing so, but the underlying symptoms/characteristics sometimes rear their ugly head, causing me mood swings, shame, anger, feelings of worthlessness, basically throwing me for a loop, and unable to control it.
I know nothing is by accident, I know I chose this, however it doesn’t make it any easier, or less painful to not only have but to acknowledge having, so many obstacles and hurdles to deal with and work on, in order to become who I really am, and heal what I came here to heal.
I am more than willing to the work, my Soul sought for me to accomplish.