5.24.19

My Mother, the narcissists’. As a “typical” child of not one but two Narcissistic parents, I always go back for more abuse, unfortunately or fortunately, my ADHD has “helped” in that I forget most of her hurtful words and attitude. She has shown me hatred, where there should be love, she rejects me, where there should intimacy, she lies, where there should be truth, she tries to break me, where there should be support and acceptance.

I feel her negativity and disdain for me profoundly, she affects my soul so deeply. She continues to scar me.

Then why do I go back for more? Could I really be that much of a masochist? No, I know I am not, my issue is that I was trained very well by my parents to be the “perfect” victim of narcissistic abuse, compiled with my faith in God and belief that people can change. I believe in miracles, even after all this time, I still have hope.

Also, I believe that I and they made the “agreement” before incarnating into this lifetime, that they would be as they are and I would suffer as I have, for a greater good, and growth of my Soul.

In the end I know I should feel and be grateful!

Thankful, Grateful & Blessed! 

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