As I have written before, my Mother has told me twice that she only has one daughter!!! Hurtful words to say the least. All because I won’t submit to her, or make myself available to more Narcissistic abuse.
She has shown herself to be one if not my worst enemies of sorts. Please know that by what I understand and believe, I am sure we are very close in the Soul world and that she has given me the most painful lessons for me to learn, but here on earth, I believe my lesson is to learn to let go and forgive. And so I have. I will not lie or make it seem it has been easy, because it has been anything but.
Moving on… the first time she was compelled to tell me she only had one daughter, was after we had been in court, where she had included me in the divorce between her and my Father. Over two properties that were held in trust for Me, naming her as my Trustee, she was saying that they were never meant for me, and that she wanted them in the divorce settlement.
My Father hired an attorney to represent me in this matter. I believe that after she saw the alliance I had with my Father, she finally gave up, she agreed that I would get the two properties, she also agreed on the amount my Father would pay in child support for my younger Sister. What she did not know or realize, is that the only reason my Father agreed to the amount, was because I told him it was fair. He thought is was too much, but I was able to convince him. Your welcome Mom!
After it was all said and done, I walked up to her, to try and connect, this is when she turned to me with a hateful look on her face and said for the first time, that she only had one daughter. What she and my Father or anyone for that matter didn’t know at the time, was that this legal case and the division of my family had taken a huge toll on me, to the extent that I was struggling with bulimia/anorexia. At 5’7″ I was a whopping 112 lbs. I was literally trying to commit suicide in a very slow and painful way. I was lonely, lost, hurt and screaming out for help without words. During this time my Father would comment to me about how great I looked, so skinny, giving me a very clear message. He always complained about my Mothers weight at the dinner table, these messages were all around me.
After that part of their court case was done, he turned to me and said, “You are the strongest of my children! I responded by saying, I thought my Brother was! He continued as if he could hear those thoughts in my head, with “You are much stronger than even your Brother” in the Mexican culture, we expect the man to be stronger than the woman. Not in this case!
I am strong and I finally embrace it!
I was getting compliments from my Father, that I needed so badly, on the other hand, my Mother was rejecting and denying me completely. I was only 20 years old, struggling to stay alive or die, I felt I was truly alone in the world, not knowing how to make sense or understand why.
How could I be so bad that my own Mother doesn’t love me or want me??