How Do You Grieve the Death of a Narcissistic Mother?

By Gail Meyers

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Echo by her mother’s grave with much more to grieve than just her death. Photo: CC0 via Pixabay | Source

I recently read a posting on one of the narcissistic personality disorder boards. An adult child of a narcissist asked about how to grieve the loss of her narcissistic mother. The question was answered by someone who, in my opinion, should not have answered. The response was, “You grieve a narcissist parent just like you would grieve for anyone else.”

As adult children of narcissistic mothers (or fathers), we have heard this kind of response most of our lives. It just seems like one more example of someone who has never experienced being the child of a narcissist failing to grasp the severity of the situation. What a woefully pitiful answer to someone who has undoubtedly already experienced so much pain and is apparently wrestling with her grief enough to post such a question on a public forum.

I do not particularly agree with the idea that you should grieve any two loved ones who are not narcissists the same way, let alone the idea that you should grieve a narcissistic mother just as you would anyone else.

Each of us grieves differently from one another, from one loss to the next, and maybe even from one day to the next. Perhaps the only way it is the “same” is in the general, broader sense that we all go through the five universal stages of grief:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Bargaining
  • Acceptance

*** Not sure how well I am doing grieving her and the loss of closure, the betrayal by my siblings and the feelings of hurt, sadness and grief.

Thankful, Grateful & Blessed!

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