I have made more effort in my present relationship than I ever have in any other, yet the outcome seems very similar to all in the past.
I am very aware that I am far from perfect, I recognize I have a lot of issues, hang ups, preconceived ideas, negative self talk and on. While I am a work in progress, I really do try to be a better human being.
In this relationship, I have chosen and made deliberate effort to be different, vulnerable, kind, thoughtful and loving, as much as I possibly can. I truly thought, my BF was satisfied in our relationship and my efforts to make him happy and feel loved. I think this is where I made a mistake, I thought I could make him feel happy and loved, but I cannot, only he can do that for himself.
What is most painful, is the need of some people, to hurt others. My BF has said some of the most hurtful things to me, then turn around as if nothing was said, or making excuses, that he was angry at the time, and didn’t mean it. This man is an intelligent person, but not emotionally intelligent. BIG difference.
Once the words are uttered, they cannot be retracted, an “I’m sorry” or “I didn’t mean it”, will never take away the sting of the hurtful word or sentence lashed at you, like a flying sword, which sometimes leaves a scar.
This kind of person is very clearly a narcissists, it seems I still can’t unrun these flawed beings.