Today would have been my Mother’s 73rd birthday. She passed away this past November, 2020 was not only the year COVID-19 changed the world but the year I lost my Mother.
Today has been a challenging day. I went to work, and wiped away the tears as they came without invitation. I felt as if I was on a roller coster, suddenly I would have a thought about her, and tears would run down my face, wondering how I could have been a better daughter, thinking how I wish I could hug her one more time, or the lament of all the times I did hug her but wanted to flee.
The saying “if only” meant a lot to me today. If only one more chance to make it right, if only one more birthday, one more opportunity to say “I love you”.
I really longed to be held today. I made the mistake of thinking that today one person in particular would care and chose me, instead this person chose to go to “Trivia night” which they clearly described just last night as something to do, a weekly thing, not a big deal.
I don’t know about you, but my Mother’s birthday only happens once a year, and the first after her passing is only once, yet this person who claims to love me, and want me in their life chose “Trivia night” over being with me and show me emotional support.
At this point after making many efforts, clearly verbalizing my needs and still my needs have not been met. All I can say is “Adios!”
Note to self: NEVER will I beg, fight or plead to be loved and shown human courtesy. A man with a lack of character, loyalty, and integrity can as Beyonce said so eloquently “To the left”.
I will always love you , Mom!!! I am assured you finally know how much.
Thankful, Grateful & Blessed!