By Alex Wise
- I often find myself attracted to “bad boys,” “jerks” and “players.”
- I spend a lot of my time trying to make my boyfriend happy.
- If I am upset about something in my relationship, I sometimes dismiss my feelings to avoid a conflict.
- The men I date tend to be bossy and controlling and get angry when I don’t do what they want me to do.
- I apologize even when I know I’m not at fault.
- If my boyfriend is mad at me, I can’t think about anything else until we resolve the argument.
- I love how great it feels to make up after a fight like I have a fresh start to be a better girlfriend.
- My boyfriend and I have a cyclical relationship: things are going well, then out of the blue he gets angry at me, I apologize and do everything in my power to make it up to him, then we make up, and the cycle starts all over again.
- My feelings of self-worth seem to fluctuate based on how my boyfriend is treating me.
- I know that I should just date a “nice guy,” but I worry that I’d be bored without the excitement that comes from a dramatic relationship.
If even one of these statements is one you can relate to, it’s time to step up, gain some self-confidence and just say “No!” to addiction of drama in your relationships. The truth is that when you are feeling bad about yourself and your self-esteem and self-confidence is low, you attract emotionally stunted, emotionally draining men. The first step is taking some time to realize how amazing you really are.
Another sad truth is that, once you do this and you find yourself beginning a new relationship with a guy who’s worth your time, you may feel like something is missing. This is because you become addicted to drama in your past relationships. It’s what you know. It’s what’s comfortable. But that doesn’t make it right or healthy. In fact, it’s truly like being addicted to a drug.
Once you take some time to really realize how incredible you are, you’re halfway there. Now you just half to get used to how that feels. You can expect some wonderful things from your new relationship such as:
- Unconditional love (you can’t ’screw up’ or DO anything to make him stop loving you) and acceptance of you for who you are.
- No more having to jump through emotional hoops to get your needs met.
- A true partnership of equals where you both challenge each other, inspire each other and give one another the freedom to grow as individuals.
Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? So how exactly do you get over missing that drama in your relationship?
It’s a matter of realizing that LIFE has plenty of its own ups and downs without needing to CREATE drama in our romantic relationships. When we’re a part of that healthy partnership I just mentioned, we function as a SUPPORT SYSTEM for one another to help each other through LIFE’s ups and downs.
The HIGHS we experience are the joys that life brings (the perfect summer day, realizing our career goals, a baby being born [ours or a friend’s!], etc)… and our wonderful man is there to cheer us on.
The LOWS we endure are inevitable (disappointments, setbacks, health challenges, losing a loved one)… and our partner is there to hold us, console us, and help us get through them.
The roller coaster of LIFE is a whole lot easier to enjoy when the person we choose to share a seat with is ON OUR SIDE rather than against us.
So maybe it’s time you get off the roller coaster and learn to truly enjoy the ride