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3 Steps To Fire Your Inner Self-Critic

By Deanna Thomas

If we are all honest with ourselves, there are many voices in our head that “speak” to us throughout our day. It was a true revelation for me when I realized that not only do all of these voices NOT speak the truth (what? Everything I think isn’t true?!), I could choose which voice to listen to and that that choice ultimately created my reality. It really is very simple. Where your thoughts go, energy flows so all you have to do is choose to follow the inner voices that support you in evolving to your best self. Oh, that’s all you say? Well, simple doesn’t always mean easy. In order to choose the inner voices you wish to follow to manifest your reality, you first must become aware of the different voices you are hearing, and when they are arising.

Let’s start with your inner self-critic. When I was in massage school, someone called this voice my “itty-bitty-shitty-committee!” This made me laugh and has stuck with me ever since as a way to refer to my inner self-critic. This is the voice that pipes up to tell you that you’re not really good at yoga because you don’t do it every day and you can’t fold yourself into unimaginable pretzel-like poses. This is the voice that shames you when you eat that extra cookie (or those 8 extra cookies) and tells you that you are bad at taking care of your body and asks you why you can’t just figure this out already? This is the voice that questions whether you look as good as that girl you saw on Instagram in the new dress you just got. Blah, blah, blah. For so many of us, our itty-bitty-shitty-committee has been employed as a full-time voice in our head leading us to doubt ourselves at best and to loath ourselves at worst. So, it’s time to tell that little committee that “you’re fired!”

Step 1: Learning to recognize your itty-bitty-shitty-committee

The first step in firing your itty-bitty-shitty-committee is to recognize when this is the voice that you are hearing in your head. This committee never has anything nice to say to you and when you choose to listen to what it is telling you, you never feel good. This voice is critical of anything and everything you do, say or think in a negative way. Don’t get the itty-bitty-shitty-committee confused with the voice that questions and reflects in a way that is constructive for you. For example, the self-reflective voice in your head may ask you kindly to consider the habits you have developed around food. You may hear something like “How do I feel physically when I eat those extra 8 cookies?” This voice is helping you to evolve to your best self in a kind and thoughtful way. Your itty-bitty-shitty-committee will never sound like that; it will always make you feel, well, shitty.

You might find it helpful to write down what you hear when your little shitty committee speaks to you. Try this for a few days and when you see what you are hearing in writing, ask yourself “would I say this to my best friend? My child? To anyone?” If the answer to that question is a resounding NO, then this can be a tool for you to use moving forward to check in when you hear the little shitty committee start talking to you. If the answer to that question is not no, then you need to dig deeper and do some work around how you are treating other people as well as how you are treating yourself.

Step 2: Making a conscious choice to not listen

Once you begin to recognize when your shitty committee is speaking to you, the next step in firing them is to make a conscious choice to not follow the energy of that voice. Let’s say that you have decided to try cooking a new dish without using a recipe. As you begin, you hear this voice saying “what are you doing trying to cook with no recipe? You’re not a chef. This is silly. Go get your cookbook out and let’s do this the right way.” Here is your shitty committee calling itself to order so it can cast doubt on you. Don’t. Let. It. When you hear that voice, acknowledge it “ok, I hear you, my itty-bitty-shitty-committee.” I like using that name when I acknowledge the voice because it always gives me a chuckle and helps me to shift my energy to a voice that is more conducive to supporting my highest good. After you acknowledge your committee, you can then choose another voice. This is a good time to ask yourself, “what would I say to my best friend if she was trying to cook a new dish with no recipe?” Taking the time to pause and ask this question brings the light of awareness to your itty-bitty-shitty-committee and right away helps to reduce its power. Remember this: always talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone that you love and care for deeply.

Step 3: Practice

After you learn to recognize what your shitty committee sounds like and you make the conscious choice to not listen, that’s it! The only thing left to do to officially fire them is to practice. Congratulate yourself every time you recognize your inner self-critic voice and choose to not listen. Every time you become more aware is a victory to be celebrated! It’s important that as you practice, you are kind and compassionate with yourself. If your itty-bitty-shitty-committee has a strong voice and you are used to listening to it, it is going to take some time to unravel that way of being and to develop a new way of being. Celebrate the successes along the way and remember that making a lasting change is a journey. Assure yourself that you have all the tools you need within you already to create the reality you choose.

20 Little-Known Facts About Buddha You Haven’t Heard

By Matt Caron

You’d have to be living under a rock to never hear anything about the Buddha!

His teachings have defined the eastern world and gave shape to China, Japan, Tibet, and India. He has influenced countless billions. The details of the Buddha’s life are not known for certain, but most scholars agree that he was an actual historical figure who lived in northern India around the 5th century BCE. Many of these facts will take you by surprise, and show you just how much depth this powerful historical figure has.

SEE ALSO: 10 Ways To Get Your Kids On A Yoga Mat

1) The Prophecy of His Birth

Before Gautama Buddha was born, an astrologer predicted that he would either be a great and known holy man or he will become a great king. In fear of this prediction, his father (a well-known king) prevented him from reading any holy texts or learning about the nature of suffering and the world. He even built three palaces for him with all the luxuries of life so that he did not have any desire to see the outside world.

2) A Prince and a Family

Though Buddha is known to live a very simple life and austere life, many people do not know that he was born as a prince in Nepal. His father, Suddhodhana, was the chief of the Shakya Clan in India, while his mother, Queen Maha Maya, was was the princess of Koli. He was married to Yasodhara and even had a son named Rahula. Buddha’s original name is Siddhartha.

3) The Four Sights

Destined to be a great holy man, Gautama soon became tired of his materialistic life and desired to leave the palace to see the outside world. At the age of 29, while on his ride to see the countryside, he saw four different things during his four different trips outside the palace which he was not aware of. These four things changed Siddhartha’s life completely. In his four trips outside the palace, he saw an old man, a corpse, a sick man, and a wandering ascetic. He was so disturbed at these sites and he wondered how he can enjoy his life so much when there was so much suffering in the world. He realized that he had to leave the palace life and find the answer to suffering, for all mankind.

4) When Siddhartha Looked for Answers

After leaving the palace, Siddhartha struggled to find a teacher who could help him overcome suffering. Finally, he decided to solve it by himself. For around six years he led a life of self-discipline and abstinence by surviving on mere roots, fruits, and raw food. In a very short period of time, Siddhartha mastered the art of Yogic meditation, but nothing seemed to satisfy him.

 5) Buddha wasn’t Fat

Buddha was not chubby like many depictions of him would make it appear- he is mainly portrayed this way because it’s symbolic of happiness in the east. He practiced moderation in all things, fasted regularly, and spent most of his time walking hundreds of miles spreading the philosophy of enlightenment.

6) He Invented the ‘Middle Way’ to Enlightenment

At the time of Buddha’s quest for enlightenment, there were many religious practices that called for strict deprivation such as weeks of fasting. Realizing that it wasn’t truly beneficial, he devised what would later be known as “The Middle Way” to enlightenment…a balanced approach that emphasized inward rather than outward renunciation.

7) Enlightenment

After attaining enlightenment, Siddhartha became known as the ‘Buddha’. Simply put, it’s a title used to denote ‘the enlightened one’. Many people have attained this state- both before and after Siddhartha’s life.

8) A Reluctant Teacher

It’s not easy to think that a great teacher like him, who taught the whole world about Buddhism, could be hesitant to teach. Finding enlightenment is not easy to convey in words. But later his compassion swayed him, and he dedicated his life to teaching others.

9) One of a Kind

Unlike most religions or spiritual beliefs, Buddha’s teachings were spread by nonviolent methods such as word of mouth or carvings on prominent stone buildings. Buddha never condoned violence or forced others to follow his path.

10) Buddha was not a God

Practicing Buddhists view Buddha as a teacher and not a god or avatar. What he attained, we can attain.

11) Last Words of Wisdom

With his dying breath, he encouraged his followers to work for their deliverance and told them that happiness is in learning that nothing in the world is permanent. His final request of his followers was: “All component things in the world are changeable. They are not lasting. Work hard to gain your own salvation.”

12) Re-uniting with His Family

During his journey throughout the world to spread his teachings, Buddha visited his son, father, his devoted wife and his foster mother. Eventually, his family joined the Buddhist monastic community. His cousin Ananda even became a monk. His son, Rahula, was the youngest monk in the community and became a monk when he was just seven years old.

13) The Two Types of Buddhism

There are two different types of Buddhism: Mahayana and Theravada. Theravada is the original teachings of the original Buddha. Buddha gave long speeches to a group of people called the Arhats. The Arhats are the original disciples of Buddha, they had all reached enlightenment and were basically perfect beings. Theravada Buddhists commonly live in Southeast Asia, Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos etc. They believe that people reach enlightenment over many lifetimes, and it takes eons to reach nirvana.

14) What is Zen?

Zen is a limb of Mahayana Buddhism. It’s a mixture of Buddhism and Taoism that developed in eastern China and spread to Japan.

15) Buddha’s Past Lives

There is a large amount of literature on the original Buddha’s previous lives. In the books, he appears as a deer, elephant, and monkey. Supposedly the Buddha told his disciples about his past lives, and they wrote them down. They resemble cute little folktales with talking animals and mythical feats, super fun to read.

16) Fourth Largest Religion Worldwide

Buddhism is the 4th largest religion in the world. Today there are over 360 million followers of Buddhism, after Christianity, Islam and Hinduism. The countries with the largest Buddhist populations are China, Thailand, Vietnam and Myanmar.

17) There’s not One Official Buddhism

Although demographic tables lump all followers of the Buddha’s teachings into one heading, the truth is that there is no singular or “official” version of Buddhism. And it’s more than just minor variations in practice. Some Buddhist practices invoke dieties. Some eschew the entire concept of dieties. Some emphasize monastic life, while others see Buddhism as a practice for an engaged life.

18) The Five Precepts

One of the foundational elements of Buddhism is known as the Five Precepts. Like the Judeo/Christian 10 Commandments, these simple rules form the core of acceptable, ethical behavior. The Five Precepts are:

  • Do not kill.
  • Do not steal.
  • Do not engage in sexual misconduct.
  • Do not lie.
  • Do not use intoxicants.

19) The Four Noble Truths

What the Buddha discerned in his moment of enlightenment is summarized within the Four Noble Truths:

  • Suffering exists
  • Suffering arises from attachment to desires
  • Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
  • Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path.

20) The Noble Eightfold Path

If suffering is to be reduced, a path is needed. In Buddhism, that path is The Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of:

  • Right View – Seeing the world and life as it is
  • Right Thought – Similar to emotional intelligence
  • Right Speech – Clear, truthful, compassionate
  • Right Conduct – Not exploiting one’s self or others
  • Right Livelihood – Ethical occupation that does not harm others
  • Right Effort – Directing one’s energies towards good ends
  • Right Mindfulness – To be in the present moment
  • Right Meditational Attainment –Unity of action and intention

Eight Ways Your Perception of Reality Is Skewed

A new book explains the sometimes-unconscious forces that shape what we see, feel, and think.

BY JILL SUTTIE | SEPTEMBER 3, 2020

Seeing is believing. To some extent, that’s true, of course: Our eyes allow us to see what’s around us, helping us navigate our world.

But it turns out sight is much more complicated than that, according to the new book Perception: How Our Bodies Shape Our Minds, by University of Virginia psychologist Dennis Proffitt and Drake Baer. What we perceive in any given moment is not only determined by sensory input, but by our personal physical abilities, energy levels, feelings, social identities, and more.

“It’s common sense to believe we experience the world as it objectively is,” the authors write. “Even though our naive intuitions are that we see the world as it is, we do not.”

It’s not just our eyesight that’s influenced by unconscious processes, either. Proffitt and Baer’s book is chock full of fascinating research findings that challenge not only the things we perceive, but the judgments and decisions we make based on what we perceive. Things that seem true and universal are often just our own unique experience of the world.

This is useful to know—especially now, when we are fighting a deadly pandemic and mired in political and social turmoil. If we understand what irrelevant factors manipulate what we see and think, we can perhaps find ways to overcome these influences and make better decisions as a society.

“If we are going to have a better understanding of ourselves and our fellow human beings, we need to appreciate the startling individuality of everyone’s experience,” write Proffitt and Baer. That means having humility. Here are eight of the many interesting take-home messages from their book.


1. Our energy and abilities impact our perspective

Several studies by Proffitt and others show that our physical bodies and our ability to move influence how we view our surroundings. For example, researchers have found that if you are obese or tired, distances look farther to you. People wearing heavy backpacks see steeper hills in front of them than those without backpacks.

“Put another way: Our walking ability shapes the apparent walkability of the hill, which determines how we see it. You do not see the hill as it is but rather as it is seen by you,” write Proffitt and Baer.

If you are holding something that extends your reach—like a grabber—things appear closer to you, too. In sports, successful baseball batters literally see bigger balls coming at them from the pitcher, and golfers who putt well see bigger holes. 


This phenomenon is obvious even in young babies. That’s why, in one experiment, crawling babies showed fear when they were lowered onto a platform with a fake cliff (an apparent drop-off that was actually see-through plastic), but babies who couldn’t crawl didn’t show that same fear. They didn’t see it as scary, because, as non-crawlers, they didn’t need to worry about cliffs yet.

2. Our body awareness affects our decisions

In one experiment, researchers studied hedge fund managers who have to make quick decisions about stock trading under intense pressure. Their strange finding? Managers who could more accurately count their own heartbeats without touching their bodies were more successful traders.

People who were more confident in their accurate count, however, were not more successful, and the bigger the gap between their confidence and accuracy, the higher their anxiety. This suggests that actual awareness of your body can be useful in high-stress work situations.

While it’s uncertain why that would be, it’s possible that people who are more aware of their heartbeats are better able to calm themselves under stress and, therefore, make cooler decisions. Or it could be that successful people who are more attuned to their bodies interpret their perceptions more accurately, understanding how the two interact. Either way, these findings make a case for cultivating greater body awareness.

3. Being hungry (or not) changes our choices

Our body’s energy levels also impact decision-making. In one experiment, participants who drank a sugary drink made better decisions and delayed immediate gratification longer than people who gulped down a sweet-tasting drink without glucose. Similarly, when judges make parole decisions just before their lunch breaks or the end of their day, they tend to deny parole. That’s because a decision to grant parole requires more careful consideration—and, so, more energy.

Studies have also found that people who’ve enjoyed a tall, sugary glass of lemonade tend to be more helpful to others. And children who eat breakfast do better in school and have fewer behavioral problems.

“The way you think is endlessly tied to how you physically feel,” write the authors. So, it’s important to make sure we (or others we rely on) are not too depleted when hard decisions need to be made.

4. Easy-to-read statements seem more true

Our beliefs about the world also depend on seemingly irrelevant influences. In one experiment, when researchers asked participants to determine the truth of a statement—like “Lima is in Peru”—written in different colors, participants agreed more with easy-to-read statements than less easy-to-read ones. Likewise, statements made in a rhyming scheme—like “Woes unite foes”—were considered truer than statements without a rhyming scheme—like “Woes unite enemies.”

This tendency can be undone if you simply point it out to people. But, otherwise, these forces operate below conscious awareness, and we can be duped by how easy something is to believe or retrieve in our minds.

“Our penchant for fluency makes us susceptible to bullshit—if it feels right, it is right—and when that vulnerability is scaled up to the level of media, you get truthiness fake news,” the authors write.

5. Our feelings affect our political views

It’s probably not surprising that our feelings affect our perceptions and thoughts. Still, even for someone like me who knows this research well, Perception held some surprises.

In one study cited in the book, researchers found that people who are more easily disgusted—when imagining things like a garbage pail filled with maggots or a piece of chocolate cake in the shape of dog poo—tend to be more conservative politically. And they tend to have stronger negative feelings about people who support sexual freedoms they disagree with—like gay rights or the right to an abortion.

Feelings like disgust—which come out of the limbic system of our brains, often below conscious awareness—guide our reactions and evaluations, making them less than impartial.The Science of HappinessWhat does it take to live a happier life? Learn research-tested strategies that you can put into practice today. Hosted by award-winning psychologist Dacher Keltner. Co-produced by PRX and UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center.Subscribe 

“Emotions allow us to perceive good and ill in a world filled with both. They may seem to come unbidden, but they are, in fact, of our own creation, and they possess both the wisdom and vicissitudes of our oldest and most fundamental brain structures,” write Proffitt and Baer.

6. Feeling bad makes things seem harder

Anyone who’s ever felt sad or depressed knows it’s hard to face the world when you’re down. But it’s interesting to note that these feelings also change our sensory perceptions. For example, people listening to melancholic music tend to think a hill looks steeper than people listening to happy music.

“Emotions . . . have the job of giving a red or green light toward approaching or avoiding objects, people, and situations, and shape perception accordingly,” write Proffitt and Baer. That means that nurturing our positive emotions may help us to approach difficult tasks more easily—an idea that at least some research bears out.

7. Having other people around make things seem easier

The presence of other people affects our perception in difficult situations, too. Holding hands with someone while experiencing a painful event can lessen the pain. Anticipating having to carry a heavy load with someone else (as opposed to alone) makes it appear lighter, and just thinking about a friend can make hills seem less steep.

Our social connections seem to play a role in reducing stress, which might be why being with others changes our perception of pain or difficulty, making them both easier to bear. These studies and more point to the centrality of our social relationships for resilience when things are hard.

8. Our political beliefs affect our math skills

Another fascinating finding is how our group affiliations, like the political party we belong to, affect our perceptions. For example, in one study, people were asked to solve math equations to verify the truth of a research finding—like whether a vaccine is effective or whether banning guns saves lives. As predicted, people with greater math skills were able to figure out the answers more easily—but only when the result of the calculation didn’t contradict their political beliefs. If it did, everyone’s math was worse: They solved the problem correctly 25 to 45 percent less often.

This flies in the face of the idea that people just need more information to figure out the truth of a situation. “Thinking—even doing math—is not a process happening in isolation but is instead embedded in our personal thoughts and group identities,” the authors write. “We literally become flummoxed, stupefied, and incapable of wielding our full faculties when confronted with facts that threaten our social identity.”

All in all, reading about this research should humble us. Clearly, many forces below our conscious awareness affect our perceptions, thoughts, and decisions, and errors abound. Becoming cognizant of those influences could keep us from making costly misjudgments or creating unnecessary conflicts with others who see things differently. The ultimate benefit of that? Hopefully, having a little humility might help all of us to act with less hubris and be more open to other points of view.

Reincarnation, Explained

By Tracee Dunblazier

If you’ve ever wondered whether reincarnation is possible, you’re not alone. The concept is completely embraced by some cultures and rejected by others. No matter what you believe in, we’re all born with spiritual imprints that express our souls experience. They reveal things we know and wisdom we carry—in addition to where we must focus our energy to find inner peace and create balance in our lives. For some, these spiritual experiences, the revelation of the imprints are profound and palpable. But for others, they are subtle hints peeping through the inner desires, goals, and attractions we come across every day.

So, what exactly does this mean and why is it important? Your soul information is what makes you unique. It attracts to you what you perceive in life and allows you a basic language of understanding. It’s essentially your jumping off point for living your purpose in this lifetime. Here are five dynamics that reveal your past-lives.

Past-Life Recall

One of the most profound and dramatic ways we acknowledge reincarnation is to have a dream or vision recounting a portion of the life’s events. In the dream or vision, you may witness an occurrence from another time and place, as a different gender or ethnic background, and most likely a different life circumstance than you may have today. Even so, you feel that they are your experiences. You just know it’s you, regardless of what makes sense. For many years I had a recurring dream that I was surrounded by burlap sacks of apples. I would wake up every time in a panic. Many years later and through much past-life study, I learned that I related those apples to a lifetime as an apple farmer that ended in an untimely and vicious death.

Emotional Triggers

This is the most common way we experience our spiritual imprints. The emotion—while it can feel good, most often, reflects feelings of fear, anxiety, grief or loss in some form. It is the emotional energy that was unable to be processed at the time of the event. The triggers are literally, post-traumatic stress our spirit carries into the current incarnation to remind us of an outcome we want to avoid in the present-time or positively, that we need to take note of to resolve a life pattern. I’m not afraid of heights, but every time I see a person fall and hit the ground, whether a trip or a plummet, I have an adrenaline reaction in my body. I traced that one back to living as a steel-worker in the 1920’s who met his unfortunate accidental demise falling from the shell of a high-rise building.

Intense Sexual Attraction

Often, past-life recall is precipitated by a deep and overwhelming sexual attraction to someone or something. It’s the kind of attraction that comes on suddenly when you meet a person or have an experience that isn’t based on preconceived knowledge. When it comes to this level of attraction, it’s common to assume the relationship is that of a soulmate or past love. A soulmate is someone we come across in life to help us love ourselves and others more deeply and often-times—find forgiveness.

Cultural Attractions and Biases

Do you have a special connection to an ethnic group other than your own? Do you feel more comfortable around those folks or in those geographical locations, rather than where you were born? Or, do you have an extreme feeling of love for other parts of the world and their people? We have biases based on what we’ve experienced or witnessed, but often our circumstances are unconsciously viewed through the lens of the spiritual memories we have, which may lead to reactions based on beliefs that aren’t true to who we are today. Your soul imprints give you a pre-existing relationship to the world-at-large that the environment you’re born into, then nurtures. One of the ways this presented for me was being very attracted to cultures that expressed emotion openly and with great passion—which was a very different dynamic from the quiet, keep-your-emotions-stuffed-down, household I grew up in.

Recurring Patterns

A recurring life pattern is when you repeatedly make similar choices, regardless of the consequences. You may not become aware of your patterns without focusing on them directly until you have quite a bit of life experience under your belt. In fact, sometimes others are better at seeing our patterns than we are. They can show up in the kind of friends, jobs, or mates that you choose. No matter where they reveal themselves, they exist to help you find stability and make the needed, subtle and lasting changes that your destiny requires.

Are You Ready to Change? A Support Plan for Each Stage of ADHD Acceptance

Your spouse litters the home with half-finished projects and loses a cell phone or set of keys at least twice a week. Your sibling talks before thinking, and nearly missed your graduation. Your grown child still relies on your birthday reminders and just left another job. Your parent exhibits all of these symptoms and refuses to acknowledge that something is wrong.

If this sounds familiar, you understand how daunting and draining it sometimes feels to support and advocate for a loved one with adult attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD).

You also understand that your loved one is capable of tremendous things — with a little support and positive reinforcement. The trick is learning how to provide that without overstepping boundaries or passing judgment. When my patients’ loved ones appear to be struggling, I recommend the following 6 steps:

  1. Learn the true symptoms of ADHD
  2. Understand the potential impairments of ADHD
  3. Acknowledge the impact ADHD has on you
  4. Assess your loved one’s readiness to change
  5. Know the best treatments for ADHD
  6. Decide what role you will play

Step 1: Learn the True Symptoms of ADHD

Until you understand what is really going on in the ADHD brain, your efforts to help can be half-baked, ineffective, or even harmful. To begin, ADHD is not just a deficit of attention. It is a pervasive, serious cognitive and psychological impairment.

The well-known signs of ADHD – inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity – fail to reflect the one complex and crippling symptom shared by the vast majority of people with ADD: deficient executive functioning.

There are seven executive functions that impact self-awareness, self-monitoring, inhibition, memory, planning/sense of time, emotional control and self-motivation. When they don’t work properly, they can make people with ADHD appear insensitive, unprepared, disorganized, or overly emotional.

Executive dysfunctions may look like intentional slights, but these are largely biological problems that originate in the brain.

Understanding that your loved one’s mistakes are not a sign of disrespect or selfishness, but a brain chemistry imbalance makes it easier to extend to them the same compassion you show to people with mental health problems or developmental disabilities.

Step 2: Understand the Potential Impairments of ADHD

People with untreated ADHD may experience a number of long-term challenges, including the following:

Impairments Associated with Untreated ADHD in Children/Teens

  • Comorbid psychiatric disorders (ODD, CD, ASD, anxiety, etc.)
  • Peer relationship problems (50-70%)
  • LDs, low academic achievement, school maladjustment
  • Greater family conflict/stress
  • Developmental delays (motor, speech, adaptive skills, etc.)
  • Internet use dependency/addiction (5-25%)
  • Antisocial behavior (25-40%)
  • Risky sexual behavior (irregular contraceptive use, STDs, etc.)
  • Impaired driving performance

Impairments Associated with Untreated ADHD in Adults

  • Marital dissatisfaction/divorce
  • Occupational maladjustment, frequent changes
  • Antisocial behavior, arrests, jail time
  • Continuing peer relationship problems
  • Greater family of origin conflict/stress
  • Financial problems, poor credit
  • Impaired parenting behavior
  • Greater loneliness in old age
  • Increased risk for anxiety disorders
  • Intimate partner violence
  • Intimate relationship problems
  • Limited educational attainment

Understanding these elevated risks can help you realize the gravity of the condition your loved one grapples with, and be more sensitive to potential future problems.

Step 3: Acknowledge the Impact ADHD Has on You

Loving someone with ADHD can be a lot of fun. Many people with ADHD are remarkably creative, very caring, and have a great sense of humor. They may also demand a great deal of time and attention from loved ones.

The parents or spouse of a person with ADHD may put their own physical and mental health on the back burner as they work to keep him or task, remind her of that appointment, or pick up after both of you.

When a person with ADHD doesn’t meet his responsibilities, it can make loved ones feel worn out, tired. When the irresponsible behavior is extreme, it can weigh heavily on those around her.

It’s OK — even essential — to acknowledge the anger, frustration, impatience, hostility, guilt, and discouragement you may experience. Those feelings don’t make you a bad person and they don’t mean you will abandon your loved one.

What they do mean is that you need to take time for yourself. Ask for help. Seek support from professionals. And remember that ADHD is a rollercoaster. For each dip, there is a hope for extraordinary success – like that experienced by Michael Phelps, Simone Biles, Justin Timberlake, and Adam Levine. Many people are able to lead productive, effective, happy, and successful lives with ADHD. Practice self-care, and don’t give up on your loved one.

Step 4: Assess Your Loved One’s Readiness to Change

You can’t help someone who isn’t ready to accept help, or doesn’t believe she has ADHD. Before trying to intervene, acknowledge your loved one’s “readiness to change,” and adjust accordingly.

For example, the things you might do to support a loved one who says to you, “I think I have ADHD. I’d like to make an appointment. Can you help me do that?” are very different than the things you might do for a person who does not accept that he might have ADHD.

1. Pre-Contemplation Stage

Your loved one denies she has ADHD, or fails to admit she has a problem.

In this stage, make ADHD information readily available – bookmark ADDitudeMag.com, CHADD, or ADD.org. Look for a window of opportunity — perhaps when something goes wrong, and your loved one is wondering what has happened.

Say, “You know, this isn’t the first time you’ve had this problem. I know it’s frustrating to you because you’ve come to me a few times. Do you think it might be ADHD creating a problem? I think we need more information. Let’s start with these resources you might find useful.”

2. Contemplation Stage

Your loved one is thinking – and even accepting – that ADHD might be a problem.

In this stage, provide a list of local experts or ADHD clinics where they can learn more and pursue an evaluation.

3. Preparation State

Your loved one is getting ready to engage in the diagnostic and treatment process.

Help him start right and follow through. Offer to drive him to the clinic, or call with reminders of her appointment. Take any steps you can to get the diagnosis underway.

4. Action Stage

Your loved one is getting help. She has a list of treatments and is working on self-change.

Help her get the prescription filled. Make an appointment with the recommended cognitive behavioral therapist. Call the ADHD coach, and set up a session.

60% of adults with ADHD are not compliant with their treatment within six months of getting a prescription. Help them overcome difficulties with executive functions and working memory that may stand in the way.

5. Maintenance Stage

Your loved one is improving and doing fine — maybe so fine that he doesn’t think he needs treatment anymore.

Your role is to check in periodically, and offer help if he needs it. Be ready to encourage him to stick with the treatment process.

Step 5: Know the Best Treatments for ADHD

ADHD is a medical condition, not unlike diabetes, that you need to fully understand before you can treat it effectively. Your loved one may benefit from sessions with a counselor or medical professional designed to teach her about the condition and its chronic symptoms in order to drive home the importance of treatment.

An effective treatment plan comprises two parts: medication and behavioral therapy to target executive function deficits. Even with that, your loved one may need additional, complementary therapies including:

  • ADHD coaching
  • Regular exercise
  • Mindfulness training
  • Treatment for a comorbid condition

The first medication might not work. Your loved one may need to introduce additional therapies or medications to address remaining symptoms, or symptoms of another, related condition. Stand with her while she finds the right combination.

Step 6: Decide What Role You Will Play

You can adopt one of four main roles for your loved one with ADHD:

  • Acceptor and listener: The trusted person your loved one can always go to in times of trouble who will listen without judgement or walking away.
  • Support team member: The person who actively helps with matters related to ADHD – you don’t just “get it,” you help “fix it.”
  • Advocate: The person who helps explain ADHD to people outside of the immediate family, and who asks them to make accommodations for her.
  • Benefactor: This is not a role everyone can play. It is a person who can offer financial help when a person with ADHD needs it to pay for a constructive or effective intervention. For instance, life coaching or books at college.

Pisces & Sagittarius September Horoscope

11 Pisces

The full moon in Pisces on the 2nd is all about you (a welcome relief in Virgo season: The time of year that has you most distracted by everyone else’s problems). Schedule a haircut or a hot bath and relax! After the 12th as Jupiter stations direct, getting more involved in your community improves both your health and your performance at work. Things get complicated at the new moon in Virgo on the 17th when you and your partner can’t see eye to eye. Set intentions the following weekend about moving forward together. This is important as Libra season (from the 22nd) puts your focus on shared finances. What are you willing to sacrifice?

Love Horoscope: With Mercury and the sun in your relationship sector at the top of the month, you only have eyes for your boo. Though a harsh comment from a friend on the 2nd has you thinking twice about commitment. The new moon on the 17th is a time to renew your vows if you’re in this for the long haul.

Money Horoscope: Mars goes retrograde in your finance sector on the 9th which puts a halt on your income. If you’re waiting on a check, make sure you delivered the work! Tension builds with this situation through the 29th when things erupt with a friend or coworker who owes you money.

 

8 Sagittarius
 

Whether you’re moving into a place by yourself for the first time or reuniting with your family, the full moon in Pisces on the 2nd marks a major moment in your private life. You’ve been struggling with money all year, but luckily Jupiter stationing direct on the 12th opens up your cash flow so you can invest in more things for yourself and your home. At the new moon in Virgo on the 17th, use the practical vibes to set intentions for your career. Though 2020 may have left your goals on read, it’s never too early to start planning for next year! With the sun’s move into Libra on the 22nd, friends and community are what hold you together this fall. How can you get more involved?

Love Horoscope: As Mars stations retrograde in your romance sector on the 9th, get ready for all kinds of lovers from the past to come knocking on your door. Even if you’re in a happy relationship, it’s hard to resist the pull of this nostalgia. When a friend begs you not to buy a plane ticket to visit one of these ghosts on the 29th, listen to her (and travel advisories).

Money Horoscope: On the 4th, things get sticky when a friend asks you to pay her back with money you don’t have. Luckily, some funds that were restricted or didn’t previously exist become available after the 12th.

How To Unblock Your Abundance By Nipra Varma

There are so many books, articles, and videos you can find on abundance and how to master it but nothing compares to the experiences we subconsciously pick up from childhood onward. When it comes to abundance, some people just naturally seem to cruise through it. Although I have been studying the concepts of abundance and reading books on the subject for a few years now, my real lessons came from seeing my own father practicing this in his daily life and reaping the rewards without realizing that he had actually mastered the subject.

My Father went from starting as a civil engineer in a small city 2000 miles away from home without any grasp of the local language and culture to owning a multimillion-dollar building and construction business that spanned across several states. Today, there are awards given in his name to the students with top civil engineering degrees from one of the most famous civil engineering Universities in India. Not only did he live a life full of love and financial abundance, but he also left a legacy.

This is what I have learned from him as well as my own research on the important subject of abundance.

1) You are naturally abundant

We all are born abundant but as we grow we sometimes get conditioned to feel the lack of it, thereby developing blocks. Every time you say “why do I have to go through this pain” or “why do bad things happen to me” you are sending a message to the universe to get more of it. Remember the universe does not understand your words, it understands your emotions. When you come from a place of lack, the universe says- ”Let me give you more of it so that you understand your blocks and clear them“. Instead, come from a place of gratitude and see your reality change before your eyes.

2) It’s not what happens but how you react to it

Things could go wrong no matter what you do but how you react to it makes all the difference. You could blame your circumstances, people around you, or you could learn your lesson and move on. When his company was in the starting stages, he got a contract worth $1000 on a construction project near a dam. As the project was nearing completion, the place got major floods that destroyed everything that was built. All the money spent on building washed away with the floods. As he saw the video coverage of the destruction, I vividly remember him telling me “Money will come and go but as long as you work with the right attitude, a single setback cannot set you up for failure. Learn your lesson and try again.” I must’ve been a teenager then, but his attitude changed my perception. Nothing can destroy you until you give it the ability to do so.

3) Cut the outside chatter

Instead of getting tied to the illusions of the world that train you to want things that don’t matter, you must strip away the brainwashing and listen to the voice that’s authentically yours. That’s when you obtain a newfound resonance and attract what’s in harmony with your real desires. Take your job for example – Does it add value to your life or does it feel depleting? You are putting your life energy into that and sometimes it does not give that life energy back to you. By thinking “I do not have any other skill”, “can’t fulfill my financial needs” or “where would I get a new career at this age”, you are again blocking yourself from living the life you want. There was a point in time when I felt this way but not anymore. You can’t live your life in fear and living this way will not make you abundant. You always have a choice no matter what, so decide to give your life-energy to a job or career that drives you and inspires you to be authentically yourself.

“Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.” ~ Wayne Dyer.

4) Change your beliefs about money

A lot of people still think that too much money is bad or rich people are only about money or money is the source of all evil. People pick this notion up either growing up from their own homes or from a section of society that feels this way. Money is an energy that you exchange in return for your freedom to live the life you want. Besides, you can give back to the society freely without thinking twice. Any negative thought about money would only produce a lack of it. In case you are one of those who think that money in any way is evil, its high time you change your beliefs and welcome it along with the abundance and freedom it brings with it.

5. Live life kingsize

A major lesson I have learned growing up was if we live in lack, we continue doing so. Our lives generally do not always remain the same when it comes to financial abundance. Money is just an energy that comes and goes. Holding on to it tightly and keeping in the safe sacrificing your quality of life might get you somewhere, but not too far. Agreed, things might have to be compromised when the going gets tough, but constantly living in that feeling and saving each penny will only leave us feeling worse. Instead choosing to spend wisely and making sure to find the sweet spot between your quality of life and paying your bills can go a long way to not feeling that constant lack and sending those vibrations back to the universe. My first job paid me a mere $200 a month for working as an electrical engineer in an oil refinery facing the hot sun for 12 hours a day and 6 days a week. Agreed, I was in India but the money was still sparse. Obviously, there was no room to splurge after paying my bills but I wouldn’t compromise on the small moments of happiness that came from buying a new dress every once in a while or eating out at my favorite restaurant. Moments like this would make me feel grateful for having a job and would go along way to keep my spirits high.

“ When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you” ~ Lao Tzu

6. Practice gratitude

Last but definitely not least, practicing gratitude goes a long way and I cannot stress enough on its importance. It serves as a magnet to attracting the right experiences to us. No matter what circumstances we come from or are in, just feeling grateful for everything we have in life can make a world of difference to our mood along with attracting the right opportunities our way. Although at times it becomes hard to practice that because things might not be going right at some point in our lives, thinking about moments of joy at any point in your life could work. We could also try changing our perspective. For example, If you find it difficult to feel the gratitude for the house you live in because of any reason, try feeling the gratitude for the fact that you have a shelter above your head and you have a safe place to sleep every day. There are people in this world who would give anything to feel that sense of security.

 “The key to abundance is meeting limited circumstances with unlimited thoughts.” ~ Marianne Williamson

I lost my father relatively young to autoimmune disease when he was at the peak of his career and going places with it. He was battling pulmonary fibrosis for 10 years before it took his life away. Those were also the years that brought out the best in him as a human being and as an entrepreneur. I feel extremely lucky and honored to be born as his daughter and learn all the important life lessons he taught me before he left.

Practicing these steps has always helped me feel abundant in life and attract the right opportunities my way and I hope it helps you as well.

Plug Into Your Intuition And Super-Charge Your Personal Growth By Jenn Maronek

Accessing intuition in the stages of healing your life is like plugging a lamp into a socket and turning it on. In order for the lamp to glow and shine as brightly as it was designed, it requires the electrical current and power of energy.

The same is true for you and your body. In this analogy, your body is the lamp. It’s the physical matter that is designed with the purpose to conduct the power and energy of your life. When the self merges with this level of universal power, this is the spiritual journey of listening to your intuition. When you stop and listen to your intuition, you can begin to direct your personal growth in new and amazing ways. Not only that, but it will give you a new perspective to make you healthier, faster, stronger, and wiser.

The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. Albert Einstein

The ability to gain insights from our intuition is one of the most valuable skills we can develop on our journey of growth as human beings.  It’s what keeps us centered and following the path of our soul. If you ask why the skill of listening to your intuition from moment to moment is so important, let me share with you the following.

Failing to listen to your intuition, only delays the inevitable

I learned this lesson the hard way.  Instead of listening to my intuition that my marriage was destined to fail, my head was too busy and distracted in all that glittered among the online world of researching favorite destination weddings. Forget the red flags of failed love languages or infidelity. What can go wrong when fancy flowers and rolls of tulle are involved? Word of advice. Everything.

Take it from me. After a marriage that failed on my Ego’s desire to make it look externally beautiful, my soul had another agenda. It said to me, “You want insight to your life to make it better?  Sight-in. Look within”. To be able to see the world through intuition is a superpower that must be developed and, once developed, nothing can stop you as a powerful force and co-creator.

What is intuition?

Intuition literally means learning from within.  Intuition is a soul language. It is considered to be the thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning. As Albert Einstein said, “I believe in intuitions and inspirations…I sometimes FEEL that I am right. I do not KNOW that I am.”

This is exactly the key to super-charged growth as humans. The capacity to feel the answer and know its truth, as opposed to staying in the cerebral cortex and our own head trippin stories.

Move it to the gut

Once I lost that loving feeling, I started listening to my gut feelings. As it turns out, there is a difference between deeper knowing and thinking you know something.

Ever have that gut feeling….that inner voice, hunch, inner knowing? I’d double down the answer is yes.  And here’s why. The human gut is lined with more than 100 million nerve cells—it’s practically a brain unto itself. Enteroendocrine cells line the gut wall and resemble the synapses neurons use to communicate with each other. These gut cells communicate information through hormones that usually give you the anxious squeeze when you intuitively know something is wrong.

Since humans are part spiritual and part physical, consider your gut to be your human GPS system; the hunches of wisdom that safely direct you where to go on your life path.

Intuition is the voice of the universe speaking to you

Without the ego, the spirit is all that there is, providing information towards what we really want to experience. But, to be fair, this realm of consciousness is different.  It is carried within and arrives in the space of silence and contemplation. It is asking questions through prayer and trust and then quietly listening to the answers.

Intuition in the realm of a spiritual lens is not the New York Stock Exchange. Nothing will appear in neon lights telling you to sell high or buy low.  It’s the subtle whispers in the wind. It is only in the stillness that the subtle voices and knowing are heard and it is here we access the universal mind. The universe is asking you to listen to your SELF. Listen to what you’re feeling and then measure that against actionable steps you can take to move forward.

How can we develop more intuition?

As you take the time to investigate into your life, you uncover the energetic imprints and energy that wants to naturally play out in your life. It is these moments of recognition that provide the inner knowing towards the steps or the path that you need to take. So, how do you get there?

Increase your sensitivity

Yes, this might seem like the opposite of what you want, if you’re already feeling anxious or out of sorts, but increasing your sensitivity is going to super-charge your ability to perceive and know the next steps for your life. Your journey won’t be so vague, it will be undeniable.  You’ll simply know when to call it quits or how to share your new-found wisdom with others. Your higher self is always giving you signals.

Clean and purify your inner cache, through meditation, prayer, and emotional release (think crying) so you can download the messages faster. See everything as a learning opportunity. And take responsibility for your mistakes.

The more purified you are, the more obvious your intuitive nudges are.

Lose the FOMO

We avoid intuition because it tends to be most needed when we don’t know what to do. When we don’t know what to do….we are at a loss living in fear…a loss of mental EGO driven options. “Uh, that didn’t work out. Now what”?

One of your intuition’s biggest culprits: FOMO. Fear of missing out.

We live in constant demand to get it right, NOW – kind of world. Add that to the need for social distraction and worldly engagement through a false sense of security with thousands of Facebook friends, that when push comes to shove (sorry to say) would not be there for you in the worst of times.  Indeed, now what?

Re-connect to what really matters. Your roots and heart-centered space.

Forget about missing out, and get settled in…inside you, to the world of more intuition and wide-open space of information. Remember that fear only makes us more on-guard and closed off.  Of course, it is not a suggestion to avoid everything that scares you, as stepping into the zone of risk is where self-confidence and self-growth come from.

Open yourself up to the unknown

We need intuition the most when we are in the unknown. When we are in the unknown, we have little clarity of direction, foundation, or security to build from. Since most of us want certainty and a safe future, prime the pump of your personal power by listening to the communicated messages from your soul.

  • Listen to the wisdom within every dynamic and situation.
  • Develop the habit of creating by what feels right.
      • Example:  If you’re learning a new exercise routine that interests you, super-charge by implementing it within your routine immediately.
  • Then take on the role of student, and be open to the lessons of what shows up.

When the universe changes your current state of affairs and gives you a crisis or sudden change, it is asking you to do something new. This is a time when the new super-charged version of you now has the tools in hand to shine a little brighter, by listening to your own intuition. There will be times of emotional discomfort on your journey of gaining insights through intuition. When going through this emotional discomfort, remind yourself of the amazing power that intuition holds and how it can transform your life for the better.

Move to Spruce

I recently moved to a much bigger apartment, which is only a mile from my new job. I love my apartment, I am enjoying my new job, I like the area. It is all new, and I am happy.

The move itself, was not fun in any way. Going up and down three flights of stairs thousands of times while carrying either heavy or bulky or both, is stressful, painful and tiring. The amount of bruises I had all over my body, especially my arms, was alarming. I am surprised no one pulled me aside to ask if I was beaten up or in a domestic violence relationship.

I did a lot of the moving myself, even though I did hire an almost useless guy with a truck to help, and my boyfriend who was HUGE help! The outcome would have been terrible  if not for him, and his unmeasurable help.

As everyone knows, the  move is not done, when you think you have everything in your new place, oh no! You still have to unpack, give your things their new home, relocate some, buy some, throw out the boxes and packing material that took time and effort to get in the first place, clean,  donate, the list goes on.

I can happily say that after being here for almost a month, I have everything I need and want for my new place. I am more in love with it and know this is the place I should be. I am excited about my future and what it holds.

To moving forward in life, especially if it scares you!

Thankful, Grateful & Blessed! 

Harvest Full Moon In Pisces August 2020 By Arik Xander

“Many times in our reality, we stray away from our true path in pursuit of some ego hallucination.” — @ArikXander

Hi Stargazers!

It’s time to pull up and out of this collective state of despair and hopelessness and this Full Moon in Pisces is going to illuminate the path we need to take to do it. Especially as we are on the precipice of the Autumn Equinox, the day when the quantity of our assets, finances, love, and life will be determined. The more we prepare, the better our outcome! There are many stories written in the stars, including your own, but you always have the ability to either transcend or accept what is written. So any feelings of being perplexed or confused can be cleared up during this 48-hour full moon window.

It’s generally good to transcend complicated constellations, and good to accept constellations bestowing gifts and blessings. This Full Moon in Pisces will shine light onto the path of evolution and certainty to choose the right path.

If you’ve been feeling lost lately, this Full Moon in Pisces will help you find your compass, but it’s still up to you to take the first step. One of those steps would be the atonement exercise on my site, where we have the ability to unleash trapped blessings which have been intercepted by our ego shell.

What’s more, is that this Full Moon in Pisces will help us remove debris created by our selfish behavior. It’s such a vital Full Moon because it’s the last one we will have before the Autumn Equinox. It is also a harvest moon, which means that we can gather what has been acquired since Aries (March 20, 2020) and put our goods to good use – including discarding whatever we are hoarding.

What does the full moon mean?

There is a reason why many people feel out of balance during a Full Moon: It is a time of great transformative energy, and most people are not equipped to handle it. This is why I offer my Full Moon Virtual Rituals, so that anyone may safely access this lunar power to dismantle challenges and activate strengths and virtues associated with the archetype in focus. In these Virtual Rituals, I give teaching, lead a workshop, and guide us through a powerful meditation.

Although every Full Moon amplifies the power to melt down obstacles, each lunar event has a unique planetary configuration and thus unique transformative qualities. This Full Moon is connecting us to the power of guidance and discovery by melting down any doubt around it. You may inhale the Pisces Essential Oil Blend to help transcend any form of doubt.

The Question Of This Quest.

In DASH® Astrology, the Full Moon is a time of reflection, when each of the archetypes asks us a specific question to assist us on our quest. In order to see which obstacles we need to remove, each Full Moon poses a unique question for reflection, as the sun and moon are in opposition – reflecting back to each other the Light of Truth. In this particular cycle, we can access the best of us beyond any quality of duality, by asking ourselves the following question:

“Do I cultivate my true nature or my old wounds? How would I know the difference?”

For more insight and spiritual growth join in my Virtual Ritual to be guided through an obstacle removing meditation.

Each of us live in our own reality, which is sort of like watching Netflix. You have your own show and that’s what you watch. The way we perceive and react to the show is our own right. However, free will, while it can represent freedom, also creates threads of fate and thereby limitation. For example, there are only so many options available to the main character in each show.

Many times in our reality, we stray away from our true path in pursuit of some ego hallucination. The difference lies in the cultivation of true nature or old wounds.

Let me explain a little.

There is the true path, aka the essential path, and there is also the ego path. The path of the ego is “my” way and it is accompanied by the chains and confusion of ego guidance. It’s, unfortunately, the popular path, even in spiritual circles that misunderstand and dress it up as something it is lacking: essentially surrender. The true path is the way guided by intuition and the essential self. On this path, life is effortless, as long as individual resistance is surrendered. It’s a fine line, which I will speak in-depth about in my Harvest Moon Virtual Ritual to clear up any confusion or state of uncertainty surrounding this cosmic principle.

Full moon aspects

We look at the aspects of this Full Moon to see what archetypes are in action.

This Full Moon will be the host to 2 astrological patterns called T-Squares. A T-square is a geometric formation made up of two or more planets in opposition that are squared by one or more other planets. They tend to complicate things actually. We will need to look at our fears! So many wounds around masculinity, yang, and active energies are coming up.

We have the energy to heal, but many of us are plagued with nightmares lately. Yet, the opposing forces of power, discipline, and love need to consider these nightmares. I know it’s a tall order, but really take the time to understand what’s beneath the surface and then atone the hurts that need healing. Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Chiron, and the nodes are retrograde, asking us to look within and find the second chances we need to move forward. Finally, Mars, Saturn, and Neptune are all in a state of homecoming, meaning that they are in their sign of rulership. This is a huge collective reset.

For those of you working on your own, contemplate the above question during the Full Moon window and write down any insights that may come so that you can have a greater idea of what to work on.

There is a lot of power and light to be had with this Full Moon in Pisces, depending on where it’s happening in your chart. We can control our actions so that we can manifest our destiny. If you’re serious about moving on with the wonderful Full Moon of Aquarius, you can access the virtual ritual.

For easy participation, be sure to download my DASH® Astrology Moon Meditation Workbook to optimize the energies and imagine the life you intend.

What Is The Full Moon Virtual Ritual About?

  • Get in touch with your desires and become aware of what is holding you back.
  • Meltdown obstacles that are standing in the way of your goals.
  • Align with the proper attitude to retain the effects of the ritual during the remainder of the lunar cycle.
  • Acquire the ability to protect your New Moon seeds from negativity.
  • In this meditation, we utilize the exact window of time when the cosmos wants to support our ability to melt down obstacles that have arisen in our lives.
  • For easy participation, be sure to download my DASH® Astrology Moon Meditation Workbook to optimize the energies and imagine the life you intend.1