Before we can love someone else, we have to love ourselves. This is a simple spiritual truth. Easy to understand, hard to apply. This wisdom about love applies even in our sex life. For us to have an amazing sex life, we have to love our own self. We have to be our own first lover. The way to achieve this is to be generous and kind to ourselves.
How we can truly take care of ourselves can be divided into 3 parts: emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Don’t forget one of the 3 parts as they all play into each other. To take care of yourself emotionally means to not talk down on yourself. Don’t allow negative thoughts to flourish. You are a divine creature. Negative thoughts lead to insecurity and a distorted self-image. Insecurity leads to less than fulfilling sex. We are often the hardest judges of ourselves. Instead of beating yourself up, think about what you would say to your best friend, and then say the same thing to yourself. How would you treat your best friend? Treat yourself with the same amount of respect.
Every day make it your practice to thank your body for allowing you to move, to breathe, and to think. Appreciate your body. Your body is your temple on this earth. There is also a physical form of self-love, which a lot of people forget about. Take care of yourself physically. Give your body a healing diet. Drink lots of water, and pick an exercise of your choice to keep fit. Yoga is a way to improve both the knowledge about your body and about the spiritual truth that guides us through life.
The body you are in is the body that has been given to you to walk around on this earth. So, treat your body as a valued treasure.
The spiritual dimension of our life is also often overlooked. If you are feeling depressed, there is a big chance you haven’t taken care of your spiritual side. We are physical beings, but we are also beings seeking spiritual enlightenment. Remember to feed this side of yourself. Meditate. Read ancient texts. Read books by people more knowledgeable than you. Take long walks in nature and ask yourself spiritual questions. Nourish your mind the way you nourish your body with healthy food.
Another good way to feed your spiritual side is to find a suitable mentor. This is an ancient way of finding the right paths that’s been overlooked in today’s society. The right mentor can lead you and show you a different part of the road you haven’t seen yourself.
We often regard sex as something that purely exists, the way every sunset exists. But few things are set in stone. The world is a place in constant change. Our sexuality, as well as our sex life, continues to develop through life. To get a better sex life we have to continue to expand our knowledge. We have to be students that seek knowledge, even when it comes to our own sexuality. There is knowledge that comes from books and mentors. There are even some good resources on the internet, for women and men. To seek out the right material is an important part of the spiritual journey.
Another way to expand your knowledge about your sexuality is to try new things, alone and together with a suitable partner. To expand the knowledge of our own bodies is to be both the explorer and the explored. Treat your body as a field full of hidden treasures. The experiences you can have with your body can lead to spiritual truths. This is especially true when it comes to sexual and sensual experiences. If we have a partner, we have to challenge ourselves to be creative. When you first meet someone, you learn about all their likes and dislikes. They undergo the same process and together you find a form of sex that is pleasurable for you both.
When it comes to sex, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine. Humans are after all creatures of habit. Make sure to go deeper. Be more intentional with your sex life. Explore new ways of having sex. Expand your knowledge together, take advantage of having a partner in crime. This is not the only beneficiary for your own spiritual path but also for the two of you as a couple.
Sex in itself is an exercise in mindfulness. When you have really good sex you forget where you are, even who you are. You are fully aligned with the sensations in your body, when you have an orgasm it can be like the mind completely checked out. Your whole being is just an explosion of pleasure.
To practice mindful sex, let go of your thoughts. Forget about everything you have to do, forget about your insecurities, even forget that you are a body. The best sexual partners are the ones that have the ability to be fully present in the moment. So this exercise is not only good for you, it also gives the person you are having sex with a more enjoyable connected sex. Practicing self-love should make you less anxious about how you come across. Remember to not judge your partner. You are both divine creatures. Don’t think about their performance and don’t think about your own performance. Don’t think about your respective orgasm.
Observe your own breathing. Observe the sensation of skin under your fingertips. Observe your heart beating. Feel the energy vibrating in your body. When a thought comes up, let it go, let it flow through you the way water seeps through the earth. Mindfulness is also a good way to deal with different sexual challenges. For men, the practice can help with problems such as erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. For women, practicing mindfulness can help when they’re having problems reaching orgasm. Every time the sex gets too focused on a specific result, go back to your practice of mindfulness. Be in the moment.
4) Try Tantra
Tantra is a tradition present in both Buddhism and Hinduism. It’s an ancient spiritual practice but its knowledge and techniques are surprisingly easy to adapt to modern times and to who you are right now. Whether you are single or together with a partner.
Instead of seeking enlightenment through non-attachment, practitioners of Tantra seek to reach higher levels of awareness through uniting spirituality and sexuality. This is done through meditation, breathing exercises and massages. Tantra practitioners harvest their sexual energy and send it up towards their head, to their crown chakra. This can help heal sexual traumas and makes you let go of shame and different kind of blockage. You accept yourself as a sexual being. In tantra, when you unite the feminine and masculine present within all of us, you align your body with the divine. This increases awareness and your body becomes a portal to transcendent truths.
Even for someone with a more modest quest than enlightenment, Tantra is a good exercise and a way to become comfortable with the sensual energy that flows through us. In tantra, you work with your body. You become more present and aware of your senses. This can be done both on your own or with a suitable partner. If you are in a relationship tantra is a good way to deepen the connection between you and your significant other. Tantra is a way to work with sexual energy to rise with the expansion of awareness within us.
To take a Tantra course is a good way to learn more about yourself and your sexuality. If you are not ready for the full package just yet, there is plenty of information available for self-studies. Tantra is not only limited to the bedroom. The part of Tantra that works with sexual energy is only one part of Tantra. Study all aspects of the ancient wisdom, and bring your Tantra practice to the rest of your life, your feelings and your essence.
I hope you liked the list and that these four lessons can help you along the way as much as they helped me. Enjoy the journey